From A to Z by me

My last few weeks (OK, I believe it has been months now) were full of self pity, lack of energy and sadness. I was laying in bed instead of doing something. Making the list of things to do wasn't helping at all, as I managed to talk myself out of doing anything. For example, I had to see my friend on Tuesday (I made some nice food, even made my boyfriend help me cook some yummy desert) but at the end I found an excuse which even didn't exist to cancel. Lame. Couldn't overcome myself. Enough is enough. I even didn't bothered to go to Shannon for a rugby game (I don't know much about the rules but no one ever stopped me from eyeing fit guys running in a field), I just didn't show up (I had my alarm clock on but ignored it and went back to sleep). Having "excuse" was not helping either: I told my boyfriend that I was tired. At the end of the day it was true, however, I haven't been doing anything lately so what made me so tired, so uninterested in anything. Few years ago, I was always on the go: meeting my friends, going for some random dates, travelling, going home (I haven't been there since January which is bugging me as I am the one who used to go at least once a month), doing some sports (haven't been able to drag myself to the gym for over a year now), reading (OK, now I better prefer to spend the time with my boyfriend...), going to the movies (been able to see only one this month so far and I used to see all of them). Many times I made a promise to myself that tomorrow is going to be different, I am going to do this or that, however, it never lasted. I miss my old self, I miss those days when 24 hours per day were not enough, I was bubbling, I was alive. It was me and I lost a contact with her long time ago. This is why I have those 4/5 self help books I told you before. The first one on the list is "Making the Big Leap" by Suzy Greaves. I am going to go through 7 steps to improve my life, make it greater and more inspiring, hoping to find old myself on the way. It is advised to keep a journal during the course which I am going to keep online. I am realistic, no one is reading it, so it is more like a diary - I will try to keep it updated every day (but hey, this is me, don't expect miracles, I am not into the routine anymore, it is difficult to force myself to be disciplined).